behind the darkness
by Lilli89
Summary: Being foster parents of two children, Erin and Jay try their best to balance work and family life. But when things get rough: Are they able to deal with the past? Can they save hurt souls without prodocing more damage?
1. Chapter 1

Note: This story is just fictional. I don't owe any characters of the show.

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"Sleeping beauties, huh?", Adam joked when he walked through the office, looking at Zoey and Nathan who had been fallen asleep on the old camping bed that Voight had brought from home for a day like this.

With the childcare closing early because of chicken pox Halstead and Lindsay had to take their foster children to the station. To the delight of Kim and other members of the unit.

"You're just jealous", Jay grinned, jokingly patting Adams shoulder before both looked at the children with smiles on their faces.

"You've made the right desicion. Brother and sister should never be seperated", Ruzek told Lindsay and Halstead who changed meaningful glances, before they concentrated on their paper work again.

While Antonio was walking in, Ruzek discovered something on his desk which created a smile on his face.

"Is it for me?", he lifted up a painting, which was defnietly drawn by a child.

It showed some figures next to a house in different colors. The sun was shining and blue clouds covered the sky.

Erin looked up and smiled.

"It's a present from Zoey. I told her that it's you and Kims anniversary. Obviously she was in the mood to supply the whole precent with self- made pictures."

Adam smiled, then looked at the sleeping children before his view met with Platts.

Trudy stood on the entrance and watched the sleeping kids deeply moved, then pointed at the picture she also got from one of Erins foster children.

„They're growing up fast, huh?", she whispered, getting a smile from Jays direction.

Platt kneeled down, stroked Zoeys hair before she moved back tot he stairs.

„Don't let yourself be fooled. They can be bad- ass sometimes", Erin laughed, putting some files on the board before she glanced over to Jay.

„How is it going Mr. Halstead? You've already finished your work?", she teased her boyfriend, who gave her a devilish glance.

He couldn't answer, because they were interrupted by their youngest, who started to stretch out on the mattress.

"Daddy?", 6 years old Nathan asked his foster Dad while he slowly opened his eyes.

"Are we already home?"

Jay put his papers aside then ran his hand through Nathans hair.

"No, buddy. We're still at the precinct."

Carefully Nathan stood up in bed and looked around, still confused what happened before he dozed off.

Yawning, he crawled out of the camping bed, tiredly walking to Jays desk while he carried his teddy bear with him.

With Zoey still deeply asleep, eyes were still on Nathan who stood in front of Jays desk.

"Can you give me your handcuffs, so I can play police officer?", he begged, jumping up and down making Ruzek and Olinsky laugh.

"And who is the prisoner?"

„Zoey", Nathan giggled, making Adam and Antonio burst into laughter.

Erin watched him in amusement and rolled her eyes.

"What else did I expect from a little man?"

Jay opened his desk, putting out the smallest pair of handcuffs he hid.

"First: You're not taking your sister hostage. It's one of your stuffed animals. Secondly: I got it back like it's right now. Deal?"

"Deal", Nathan twinkled, taking the handcuffs, before he silently walked to the playing area that was created for the kids by the team.

"I hope it's not like the last time and you carry the keys with you", Erin whispered in Jays ear. Ashamed he glanced to Nathan who was silently playing with his toys.

One fact that both parents adored the most was the ability to play on their own. Not that they neglect Zoey or Nathan. But sometimes it was a relief to see them spending time on their own.

Watched by four adults, Nathan calmly spoke to his teaddy bear, like it was a real person.

Lindsay sighed, thoughtfully watching their youngest.

"Having a visit with their Dad tomorrow. I'm still not a fan", she mentioned silently, getting a concerned view from Adams side.

"I thought he didn't came to the park last time."

„Yeah, but you never know. If he comes, we probably need two weeks for getting them back to daily routine. Sometimes I just want to punch this guy right in the…", Jay wanted to say, but couldn't end his sentence.

„Halstead!", Erin interrupted his boyfriend, looking at him angry, so he sighed.

„Last time Nathan wet his whole bed. Not to talk about Zoeys dreams", Erin whispered, so Ruzek watched her worriedly.

„You should have seen her. She was totally frozen when she only heard her father talking on the phone. It's like a neverending nightmare."

Jay remained in silence, letting Erin talk.

„Isn't there a way to stop that? I mean, forced visits can't be the answer, can they?", Adam asked, getting Lindsay to shake her head.

„You won't disturb the foster care system. This took years to grow."

„Mommy?", a childish voice distrubed the conversation when Zoey walked to the grown-ups, both eyes red from crying. Since all were busy talking, nobody noticed she was upset.

„Hey, baby. Whats going on?"

She shrugged her shoulders, actually spreading her arms for being pulled in a hug by Erin.

Lindsay took her on her arms, gently stroking her hair.

„My other Daddy took me away from you. He hurt me…He…"

„Shh… It was just a dream. That won't happen, okay?"

Zoey nodded, hiding her face on Erins shoulder, who rocked the little girl in her arms, helplessly glancing at the rest oft he team.

It took her some time until Zoey kept calm.

Silently Jay stroked her wett cheeck in comfort, trying to get her smile weakly.

„It's over. You're right here with us. No one's gonna hurt you two again."

„Okay."

„What about going downstairs? Aunt Kimmie is talking to Aunt Trudy right now and I'm sure they light up when they see you", Adam suggested, making Zoey to lay her hand in his own, taking the stairs.

Erin sighed deeply, reproachful looking at Jay.

„What are we doing? We're promising that she doesn't has to go back, knowing, that they will see him tomorrow? That doesn't fit together."

„We have to make the best out of it", Jay suggested. But Erin nodded her head.

„I feel like lying to her. We could call in sick, so we're able to skip the meeting. She's not ready to see him tomorrow. Neither is Nathan."

„And then?"

Jay shook his head.

„If we're not going tomorrow, he owns another investigation against us. You know how it ends? He's gonna talk to his lawyer and when we go to court he let it look like we are the bad guys, while he's the lovely carrying father. We risk to send them back, if we cancel the date. And you know that we just can't keep Nathan and Zoey at home. Someone has to see the pediatrician, to make sure she's really ill."

„We need another solution. That's why I'm gonna talk to Voight later. He has to figure something out for getting them permanently. There are 6 weeks left until court decides if this visitor hours will end. This is far too long."


	2. Chapter 2

"And they lived happily ever after", Erin closed the book, holding Zoey and Nathan in her looked at her in satisfaction.

Lindsay changed a smile with Jay, who sat in one oft he childrens chair, juist finishing to repair Nathans football.

"Such a nice story", Zoey clapped her hands, while Erin put the book aside.

"I also loved it, guys", Erin twinkled, feeling her foster daughters eyes on her.

Nathan yawned and snuggled next to Lindsay.

"What about your mum? Did she read good night stories to you too?", Zoey wanted to know, making Lindsay remain in silence.

Jay looked at her in concern, but didn't say a single word.

"Sometimes I wish. When I was your age, my mum wasn't around either. So I mostly had to read goodnight stories to myself, which sucked. That's why I like to read to others today."

"And where has your mummy been?"

Erin sighed, her view moved to the window.

"Obviously not where I needed her the most."

"And thats why you like to care about us?"

"Smart kid", Jay twinkled to Nathan, nodding his head.

"No, guys. Not at all. Jay and I just decided to take you in because we both love children and we felt sorry for what happened to you. But it's far too late to talk about things like this. It's bed time."

She crawled out of bed, walked to Jay. But not before placing kisses on the small heads of her children before Jay did the same.

Since many fearful and sleepless nights they allowed Nathan and Zoey to share one bed, still hoping that the day would come, where they would decide to sleep on their own.

"Sleep tight, guys", Halstead smiled and shut the lights off, before he closed the door and followed his girlfriend outside.

Erin and Joey both sighed, then glanced at each other.

It's been a rough day. Tiredly Lindsay drover her hand through her hair.

"They're smart. Don't underestimate them. They exactly know what is going on right here."

"Did you see their faces? When Zoey asked about Bunny?

"Yeah."

Protectively Jay put his arm around Erins shoulder.

"You didn't tell them, did you?"

"About your parents? No, absolutely not. I think they just want to know where they come from. They compare themselves to other families and they probably feel that you have somtehing in common."

He tenderly touched her neck, stroked her shoulder.

Erin looked at him in a sad way, animating Jay to pull her into a long hug.

"What was that for?", she wanted to know after he let her go.

He shrugged his shoulders.

"Feeling sorry for you. The way you had to grow up. Your mum and dad."

Erin shook her head.

"But that's not your fault. You're not Bunny. So you don't have to pitty me."

He rolled his eyes and took her hand, even if she didn't like it.

"Erin, it's what I'm feeling right now and you won't change that. You understand?"

Lindsay sighed, silently walking to the living room.

"My tears were cried long time before", she mumbled, putting Nathans school books from the table in his bag.

"I don't deny that", he assumed, while she was staring outside the window.

"You better think about tomorrow. Zoey doesn't know yet. Neither does Nathan."

„Shhh…"

He put his finger on her lips.

"We gonna figure it out. You and me together. We will tell them before school. Let's keep calm, play?"

"All right."

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"Zoey, you should eat that. You gonna have P.E for the first lessons. You need that energy", Jay told his foster child, after Erin explained the news of visiting their father today.

Neither of them liked what they heard, which was obviously visual by their behaviour.

"I'm not hungry anymore. I'm gonna brush my teeth."

"I will join you", Nathan agreed running to his sister, who suddenly stood up from the table, leaving both parents speechless in front of the full plates.

"Congratulations. If that was your plane, we gonna have hell of a day", Erin mourned.

"Would you either like to tell her yesterday? Better having a night full of nightmares?"

She couldn't answer, because a loud noise disturbed the conversation.

"What the hell was that?"

It didn't need seconds until a panicful pre-schooler arrived.

"You've got to come. Zoey, she passed out. She…"

Jay and Erin jumped up from their chairs, running to the neighborhood-room.

"Nathan, what happened?", Erin screamed hysterically while Jay was sitting down next to her, hectically searching for a pulse.

She looked extremely pale. Cold sweat was running from her forehead.

The little boy started to cry.

"I don't know. She just fell to the ground. I didn't do something."

"I've got a pulse. Call 911", Jay already explained to Erin when Zoeys eyelids started shaking.

"What happened?", she whispered weakly, getting Lindsay to sigh in relief.

"Something which obviously gives you a free day. You were fainting out", Erin whispered.

"Looks like neurally mediated syncope, cause by a low blood pressure", Jay stroked her forehead, before he shared a concerned view with Erin.

"Her pulse is very low. I better call Will, huh?"

Lindsay agreed by nodding.

"Do you think we gonna walk to the couch together?", she asked Zoey and tried to help her getting up, but she felt dizzy again.

"I feel sick", she whispered but already started vomiting, even before Jay was able to get the trash can from next door.

"It's okay", Erin told her when she finished, shortly after being picked up by Jay, who brought her to the couch, while Lindsay removed the remains, before she walked back to the couch.

Finding her two foster- children crying, she first pulled Nathan in a hug, who obviously seemed to be shocked by the ongoing events.

"She's gonna be fine, buddy"; she kissed him on the cheek, pointing to the floor.

"Can you do me a favor? Can you go to your room and put the stuff together, you need for school today."

He nodded in understandment.

"Braveheart", she praised him when he ran to his room, making her able to concentrate on the rest of her family.

"Shh…Don't cry. It's alright. We're right here. It's not so bad", Jay comforted Zoey, gently squeezing her hand, sharing concerned expressions with Erin.

"You're gonna be fine. Sometimes girls at your age suffer from growing up that fast. I also did when I was in pre-school", Lindsay added and sat down on the other side.

"Really?"

"Of course. So I spent some time on our couch and a few hours later I was fine again. Like you will", Lindsay tried to calm her foster child down, while Jay got up to talk to his brother on the phone.

Minutes later he came back, gesturing that he wanted to talk to Erin.

"I'll be right back", she excused, walking to the kitchen area, to get the latest news.

"I talked to Voight. You should stay at home with Zoey. After Will looked at her I'm gonna drive to work and drop Nathan at pre-school. I also cancelled the date with Brad."

Erin nodded satisfied.

"Good. What was that? What do you think?"

"Body reaction. Her body reacted on it's personal way to her problem. Some kids do it with taking drugs, others with wetting their bed and some by breaking down by too much pressure."

"And now?"

"I don't know, Erin. The only thing I know is, that it has to end. Right now."


	3. Chapter 3

Thank you so much for your reviews :) I'm very happy and excited if you like the upcoming chapter :)

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„As you assumed. Vasovagal syncope, caused by low blood-pressure. It often happens during the morning hours because of low blood glucose, especially at her age. She's growing up, getting bigger and if you add mental stress, it sometimes takes the system down", Will told Erin and Jay, before he ended the blood draw, carefully pressing some cotton at Zoeys arm bend, while she laid on the couch.

„We gonna get the results tomorrow. But I don't think she fainted because of other causes."

„Alright Will", Jay thanked his brother, who praised the little student for not complaining during the blood-draw.

„Brave girl. I've got Barbie band-aids. Which one do you want?", he showed her some plaster. She light up when she picked the one, she wanted to have.

„I suggest you let yourself be nursed by Erin today and probably watch some movies. How does that sound?"

Zoey already smiled, which provided relief to both of her foster parents.

„Thanks for showing up that quickly", Erin explained to her brother-in-law and shook his hand, before he left for work.

Meanwhile Nathan prepaired for school, waiting for Jay to come.

„There you go. Spiderman and those are the smurfs", Halstead handled some films to Erin, before he kissed her and Zoey good bye.

„I'm gonna call you later, okay?"

„Why can't I be sick?", Nathan protested, obviously not a fan of going to school.

„Hurry, up little man. It's already late", Jay cheered him up, pointing to the car, but Nathan stopped right in the middle of his way.

He glanced at his parents with mixed feelings.

„What about me? Do I have to see my real Dad in the afternoon?"

Erins view met with Jay, who shook his head.

„No, buddy. I pick you up at 4 and afterwards we're going to drive home, okay?"

„Okay", he agreed, running outside, leaving both parents with a helpless expression on their faces…

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„Thank you."

„For what?"

7 hours later Jay looked at the driving mirror, to see Nathans face. The youngest sat at the backseat of his car, glancing outside. Jay didn't know what he meant, so he tried to read his body language. They were on their way home from the shopping-mall where they got some groceries. Since Erin stayed at home with Zoey, it was Jays part to supply his family with food.

„For not seeing my real Daddy", Nathan whispered when he looked outside the window, watching the cars rolling by.

Seriously Jay looked at his foster-child in concern.

„I don't like being with him. He's scary", Nate continued speaking.

Jay bit his lips. He didn't know what to say, since he didn't like to talk bad about Nathan and Zoeys parents. It wasn't sure if the siblings could stay with them forever. There was still a small chance that child protective service could take them away.

Even if he knew like Erin that the forced visits weren't the right way.

„Listen, buddy. I know it's hard for you. But we figure something out, okay?"

„Can I stay with you and Mummy then?"

„Let's see, okay?"

„If not. Do I have to go the basement again? Because my real Daddy used to bring us there. And in case I have to go back, it's probably better to practise."

It hit Jay hard. It felt like a lumb in his throat. Did Nate realley asked about that?

For a second it felt like a bad dream.

Jay remained in silence, just parked the car in their garage and turned off the engine before he moved out and opened the passenger side. Nathan already wanted to run to the house, when Jay held him back and placed his hands on his shoulders so he couldn't avoid eye-contact.

„Nathan? Look at me."

The little boy watched him with big sad eyes.

You will never have to go back to a basement again. Never. Do you hear me? Not at our house and not at your fathers home."

Hesitatingly Nathan moved his head to nodd in agreement.

„A basement is made for storing food or stuff. But not a single child should spend its time in a cellar. This is really bad, okay?"

„Okay", he repeated when Jay placed a kiss on his forehead, making Nate to jump in his arms.

The little boy clinged on him like a dangler, before he let go.

Jay winced when he recognized tears in Nathans eyes.

„Everything okay? Anything else you want to tell me?"

Nathan got quiet. His lips started shaking and it wasn't hard to tell that he avoided crying. It only took some seconds until he bursted into tears again, making Jay to spread his arms, to pull him into a deep hug.

Halstead said nothing, just rocked him in his arms.

„I love you, Daddy. I don't want to go back", Nathan sniffled, when Jay felt his own eyes filling with tears.

„I know, buddy. Love you too", he said with a shaky voice, helplessly stroking Nates shoulder in comfort.

It took them some time to get back to their daily routine.

Finally Jay took his hand, pointing to their house.

„Come on, let's go, huh?"

Nate sniffled, squeezing his hand.

„Can you promise me something?"

„Sure. Go ahead."

„Don't tell Mummy. I don't want her to be sad."

Jay forced himself to smile, raised his hands like he wanted to swear.

„Big promise."

He stopped on his way tot he house to look down on Nate.

„What about playing Lego this afternoon? Remember my old castle? The one my mom bought me to my 8th Birthday. How about rebuilding it in your room?"

Nathans face light up within minutes.

„Really?"

„Do I look like I'm kidding?"

„No", he smiled through his tears before he walked to the front door, curious how the rest of the day would be…

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The TV was on.

Jay put his finger on his lips, gesticulating that Nathan should be quiet, because Erin and Zoey were fallen asleep on the couch.

Jay smiled when he watched his girlfriend and daughter.

. Erin laied down next to their foster-child, her arm wrapped protectively around Zoeys shoulder, while the Smurfs apppeared on the screen.

Jay turned off the TV. He quietly closed the door, looking for his youngest.

„Nate? Can you help me with the groceries?"

His view wandered through the floor. Where was he?

Jay felt relieved when he found Nate in his room.

Nathan was sitting on his bed, staring at a book, identified as a photo album.

Jay walked closer, took seat next to him.

„What are you looking at?"

He froze when he viewed the pictures, that showed Nathan as a baby with his birth parents.

He swallowed hard, realizing thattheir youngest started to show interest about his past.

„This is me as a baby, right?"

„Yeah. That's you."

Suddenly he looked at Jay with an expression that gave him chills.

„When I was like this. Was my daddy also that bad? And my mommy?"

Jay didn't know what to say. More than ever he wished that Erin would be right here and not fallen asleep next door.

Jay cleared his throat.

Starring at a picture that included his birth parents brought tears in Halsteads eyes. But he was able to deal with his emotions.

„I don't know buddy. I hope not."

It was obvious that the little boy felt the desire to tell Halstead more.

„Why do I love my real daddy too sometimes? He was so bad. He forced me and Zoey to stay at the basement and he hit me with his belt. But I still think about him. Why?"

Halstead sighed and stroked Nates back in comfort.

„Because he's your father and always will be."

„Even if you and mummy adopt us?"

„Even then, buddy."

Nate looked at Jay, before his eyes met the photos again.

„Why did he do that? Doesn't he love us?"

Helplessly Jay looked at the window. He had to tell him. It was his responsibility to answer that questions.

„Well, sometimes people get sick and as a result they can't think like normal people do. I won't say he doesn't love you. But drinking and taking drugs like your mum did, changes some people into different persons."

„Okay."

„Does that answer your question?"

„Yeah."

Nate swallowed hard, looking up at his dad again.

„If we win the process… do I have to stop seeing my real parents?"

Jay looked at Nate in confusion, not sure if he rather should like or hate that question.

„Is that what you want?"

Nate shrugged his shoulder.

„He promised us not be treated bad again. But…"

He didn't end his phrase.

„ You don't trust him anymore. Am I right?"

Nate nodded, looked at him with big eyes.

„Last night he wanted to catch me in my dream. And he drove away with me to an unknown place. Far away from Mom and you."

Jays gaze settled on Nate. He stared at him worriedly.

„Can you stay with me until I fall asleep tonight?"

„Of course."

„And read me a goodnight story?"

„Deal", Jay twinkled, holding up his hand, so Nate could high five him.

Satisfied Nathan kneeled down on his carpet to grab his box of Lego bricks.

Jay smiled weakly and crawled next to him.

„I'm gonna create the plateau for the lego scene."

„You're the boss", Jay smirked, taking some brix, thankful that Nate focused his attention on another subject…


	4. Chapter 4

"You've been quiet. Everyhting okay? Did Will call you? Is it about Zoey?"

Erin stepped next to Jay who watched their kids playing through the kitchen window and shook his head.

"No. I'm just worried about Nate. They both went through a lot during the last years and I'm not sure if everything's so easy as we thought before. I've talked to him and he's really confused about whats going on right now. Even if we adopt or get them into permanent foster care without regular visits of their birth parents, it felt like being caught between two stools. And it's just…"

Jays voice broke. Thats when Erin took his hand in comfort.

"It's…he reminds me so much on myself. There are days you just want to hug them and never let go, because you're so sorry for their past. This whole issue with their father. They're just like Will and me when we were at this age. At one point you want them to forget what happened and on the other side it's that they have the right to deal with the truth."

"I know. I'm afraid of the future. When it comes to the point where they question everything because we aren't their real parents. The same problem like I had, when I had to chose between my mom and Voight."

"It doesn't have to work out that way, if we are honest and accept them with all strength and weaknesses and… "

Jay stopped talking, glancing outside again.

"Whats going on with him?"

Jay cut his sentence short, seeing that Nate touched his chest going tot he ground.

Erin who witnessed it like her boyfriend started to move first, running outside. Something seemed really wrong and she already suspected what it was.

"Hey, big guy. Is everything alright?"

Nate started hyperventilating and shook his head no.

"I can't breath", he whispered between sobbs.

"What's wrong?", Jay screamed, running to the rest of her family.

"Asthma attack."

" Get his inhaler. It's in the medicine cabine. In the first aid kit."

"Copy that."

Meanwhile Erin kneeled down on the grass, trying to calm down her youngest, while her words mixed up with the questions of her concerned daughter.

"What's wrong with him?", Zoey paniced, when Erin tried to calm her down.

"He's gonna be okay", Erin stroked Nates hair, trying to let him sit on her lap.

She knew lying down would make it even more worse. Although his attempts of breathing sounded horrific.

"Baby, look at me. Don't close your eyes. Take deep breathes. Inhale and exhale. Copy me. In and out. And in and out", Erin tried to get him calm since she knew that he would be freaking out by getting no air.

It was the second time she had to gone through an attack and she already felt it being more worse than the last one.

"No, were not lying down! Stay in my arms! Look at me. Nate, look at me!", she screamed at him when Halstead returned, kneeling down on the ground, shaking the inhaler to put it in front of his sons mouth.

"Alright, Nathan. Take deep breath for me."

Jay sprayed for a second time, feeling that the boys breathing slowly went back to normal. He tried for a third time, already noticing that Nate started to feel better.

"You feel better now?"

The little boy nodded confident but bursted into tears.

Erin and Jay sighed, while Zoey stared at her brother with wide eyes.

Halstead pulled Nathan in his arms. The little boy was shaking so hard and the cold sweat ran from his temple, when he clinched on Jays t-shirt. Finally sobs got quieter and his breathing seemed to get back to a normal rhythm.

"Alright. It's over. You gonna be fine. It's okay, buddy. It's okay. Shhhh…Shh…", Jay continued rocking him gently in his arms, looking to Erin with a telling expression on his face.

"Call my brother", he formed his lips, making Erin to get up to take Zoey with her in the inside of the house.

"The two of us better stay outside for a while. I'm here. You gonna be okay", he encouraged Nathan, who looked up at him, both eyes red from crying. His face was as white as a wall. Jay placed his hands on his shoulders, providing some security and forcing him to continue breathing in a normal rhythm.

Nate seemed extremely scared of his body reaction. Although it wasn't the first asthma attack he went through.

Jay started to distract him by telling a story of his own childhood.

But seeing Will finally coming from his car around 20 minutes later, improved the situation.

"Oh man, what happened? Today is a bad one, huh?"

"Asthma attack."

"How long?"

"Couple of minutes. He was playing soccer when he suddenly started to have trouble breathing. We got his inhaler in time."

Nate started couching. Automatically having all eyes on him.

"Any excitement before?"

Jay shrugged his shoulders.

"I don't know. It wasn't that bad."

Nate still snuggled on his foster parents chest, shyly looking at Will.

"Okay, little guy. There's nothing serious going to happen. I just want to listen to your lungs, okay?"

He glanced to his brother.

"Can you carry him inside?"

"Of course."

Halstead put him on his arms to get him into the house where Erin still tried to calm Zoey down.

He placed him on the couch and took seat next to him.

"Let's put your shirt off. Uncle Will just wants to listen to your heart beat and check on your lungs", he helped him to get out of the wet shirt, passing it to Erin who already took a new one from the drawer.

Will listened to his stetoscope, nodded satisfied.

Nate still coughed a little bit, suffering from the aftermath of his attack. But his breathing seemed more steady than before.

"Alright. It was defnietly an attack. Despite that you should see a lung sepcialist. He probably needs a higher dosage of his regular pills."

"Shall we go to the hospital?", Erin asked in concern, but Will denied, putting his stetoscope back.

"No, not right now. He seems fine. I still suspect some different reasons. Can I talk to you alone?", he requested Erin and Jay, pointing at the floor.

The younger Halstead nodded in understandment.

"Zoey, can you just take a look at your brother? We're right next door", Erin explained to their daughter who took the responsibility and sat down next to her rbother.

Jay directed them to the floor.

"Listen, folks. I don't know what is going on right here. But on behalf oft he kids you should change something. First Zoey collapsed, now Nathans asthma attack. It all leads to a burdening situation. Usually children show other reactions than grown-ups. This is their way to tell you that something is really wrong. So, I'm asking you: What the hell is bothering them so much?"

"Old situation. Birth mom and dad. Visiting hours, forced by children's service."

Will shook his head, unbelievable of what happened.

"I don't know guys. But if you don't want to have two wrecked-up kids, this has to end."

"If you tell that to the social worker, that would be fine."

Will sighed.

"Honestly. What are you thinking? That we like to take them back to their old home twice a month?"

"Listen, I've got a very good friend, who works as a pediatrician. I'm gonna ask if he's willingly to write a mediacal opinion on how the visits affect Zoey and Nate physically and mentally. I suggest that they should stay at home with one of you. At least for the rest of the week. We should evaluate it as very serious situation. They need security to rest and recover. Alright?"

"Thank you so much, man", Jay clapped his brothers shoulder.

"Talk to your boss. Probably it would be great if you divide the days off work, cause your guys need both parents. They should finally come to rest. No excitement."

"We will."

"Good."

He shook hands.

"I'm gonna call you tomorrow. Stay safe.."

"You too", Erin answered, glancing at Jay before her eyes wandered to the living room where the kids were sitting on the couch…

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„Everything alright, guys?"

Jay and Erin entered Nathans room, where both children spent their time by playing lego.

"Look what we did", Zoey explained by pointing at their house, making Erin smile who bended down to take a closer look.

"This is really beautiful. Is that our house?"

"Of course."

Jay sat down on the desk chair, looking at the figures.

"This is Zoey and this is you, Daddy. And this is Mummy. And me", Nate passed the figure to Jay, who started laughing.

"I guess, we have a lot in common", Halstead pointed at the Lego figure, realising that both children ignored their real parents. Even if they had more figures to involve them tot he scene.

"Yeah."

Jay smiled at Nate, pulling through his hair.

"You're okay, buddy?"

"Mh."

Nate nodded, sitting down on his bed.

"Listen, guys. Can we talk to you for a second?", Erin questioned, getting both children to look at her.

Zoey put her doll away, scepitcally looking at her foster mum.

"Since we think that you're a little bit sick, Uncle Will and us decided that you don't have to go to school for the rest of the week. Jay is staying at home fort he next two days and I take Thursday and Friday. How does that sound?"

"Cool", Zoey whispered and her brother agreed before he coughed for another time.

"Do we have to see our real parents next week then?", she complained anxious. Jay shook his head.

"No, sweetie. You don't have to."

Nate coughed for another time. Obviously the issue put too much stress on him.

Thats why Jay walked closer and soothed him by stroking his neck.

"Should we get your inhaler?", Lindsay asked in concern, but he shook his head.

"Attaboy. You tell us when it's time, okay?"

"Yeah."

"Mom? Can I ask you something?", Zoey continued the conversation.

"Of course. What is it?", Erin wanted to know.

"If parents don't love their children. Why do they want them? Parents who love their children don't treat them in a bad way."

Erin started to feel sick. Her eyes met with Jays.

"It's not that easy, Zoey. Even if there are problems later, nearly every child is made with love. And if it living with the birth parents doesn't work out, foster parents take that part."

"I don't care since I'm not seperated from Nate. You remember Sara from our childrens home? Alicia Jones said, that she was taken away from her little brother after two years in foster-care last week."

"Really?", Nathan asked in shock, when his sister agreed.

"Yeah. They took him away. From one night to another."

Thats when the youngest started to panic.

"I don't want to be seperated from Zoey. I…."

"Shhhh… Guys, hey. No one's gonna seperate anyone. That won't happen okay?", Erin stroked Zoeys hair.

Both faced their parents in a fearful way.

"We're police. And I know Clara from child-protective-service. As long as she knows that you're fine with us, she won't take you away."

"Pinky swear?", Nate whispered.

"Pinky swear", Erin raised her smallest finger, getting the kids more calm.

"How about having pizza tonight? You ready to help me in the kitchen?"

"Sure", Zoey answered, already making her way to the kitchen area to follow her little brother, while both parents remained in silence.

Jay took seat on Nates bed, before Erin sat down next to him.

He sighed, folding his hands together and grabbed one of the stuffed animals.

"Hopefully we're able to keep our promise."

"What else did you want to tell them? Explaining the instability of the foster care system and waiting for a further breakdown? Truth is, court still can decide what it wants. If they transfer Zoey or Nate to another family or to their birth parents, we have a slim chance to influence their desicion. We're just able to make the best out o fit."

"Or talk to Voight or Clara if there might be another way."

"What do you mean?"

Erin looked him in the eyes.

"Adoption. We take a further step and surprise court with a request."

"That doesn't bring us anywhere. We have to become their permanent guardians first."

"Erin, Voight always pulled some strings. Why not this time?"

"Because it's fragile like hell. One mistake could change everything into a bad situation."

"But we're police. If you could chose between a detective and a former drug addict. Who would you decide for?"

"I wish it would be that easy. If someone finds out about my past and he gets my old CI file were done."

"Erin, you were sixteen."

"So, what?"

"Mom? Can we take the cheese in the fridge?", Zoey screamed from the kitchen, interrupting the situation.

Erin sighed, rolled her eyes.

"I'm coming, baby", she answered before she glanced at Jay desperately…


	5. Chapter 5

Sobbs and cries escaped from one of the childrens room, forcing Jay to get up from the couch.

"What the hell ist hat?", he heard Erin asking, who turned off the TV. He already made his way tot he floor.

"Nate?"

The sounds got clearer, louder with every passing step to the childrens room.

Shakingly he opened the door, slowly walking in.

"Nathan?", he repeated without getting any answer.

Ultimately Jay turned on the light on his nightstand, sat down on the edge of the bed and gently carressed over the blanket which was wrapped around the tinny body of his son.

After some seconds passed the little boy started to move looking at his foster parent with crying eyes.

"Hey, what's going on?", Jay stroked his forehead, worried of what happened to Nathan.

But with him stuttering the following words, he seemed to realize the reason for his behaviour quickly.

"Can I sleep at your room?", he sobbed, spreading his armst to be carried by Jay, who put him on his shoulder.

"Did you had a nightmare?"

He nodded crying, snuggling on Halsteads shoulder, wheeping loudly.

"Hey…It's alright. I'm here. I got you", Jay whispered walking to the living room.

Halstead sat down on the couch with Nathan, his hand repetetively stroking his back.

"It's gonna be okay", he repeated with a soothing voice, also telling Erin the reason for Nates upset state.

"You wanna tell us, so we can figure something out to expel the nightmares?", Erin whispered reaching for a chair, to sit down next to her family.

The little boy looked up. His sobs changing into hiccups.

"He hit my other mommy. I was in a basement. And Zoey ran away. It was dark."

Erins eyes filled with tears. Listening to his story, that probably was true made her wanna cry.

Jay kissed his forehead, still rocked him in his arms.

Feeling miserably he shared some glances with Lindsay, who also looked like she would lose her state.

"It was just in your dream.""It's not. It happened in real life. He hit my Mom too."

Nate bit his lips so hard, that his head became red.

"He told me not to weep. He said big boys doesn't."

"No, Nate. That's not true. It's okay to cry and to show emotions."

His mouth trembled by holding it back, until he finally gave in.

Jay swallowed hard. He tightened his grip to show him that he wasn't alone.

Meanwhile Erin just watched the scene. Speechless and helpless she wasn't able to say a single word, without crying herself.

This time Jay was the stronger one.

He just let him sob into his chest, while he stroked the back of Nates head, in a way he knew it calms and comforts him.

Talking to Nathan in a soothing tone seemed to get him more quiet and he started to relax on his shoulder.

"Do you cry sometimes?", the little boy asked, his head rested against Jays shoulder.

Erin squeezed his hand, touching his palm.

"Of course. If I'm sad, like you right now. "

Nate tiredly closed his eyes, snuggling on Jays shoulder.

"Hey, big guy. What about daddy taking you to our room, so you can sleep there?", Erin cleared her throat.

"How does that sound?"

"You stay with me?"

"Deal. Come on, big boy", Jay lifted him up carrying him to their bedroom, laying him in the middle.

Nathan looked extremely tired.

Jay took his pillow and placed it under Nates head. He put the blankets above him, before he crawled on his bedside. Meanwhile Erin glanced at Zoey, who was deeply asleep, before she also went tot he bedroom, lying down on her side oft he mattress.

Their youngest already laied his head on Jays shoulder. Protectively Jay put his arm on Nates neck to let him know that he was there.

Erin also put a part of her blanket over Nate, carresing his head.

Feeling the strokes on his skin, while he listened to Jays constant heartbeat, he fell asleep within minutes.

Lindsay and Halstead glanced at each other sadly.

"Poor little guy. I would give everything to take his pain", her finger touched his face, gently moving over his skin.

"I'm ready to kill this son of a bitch", Jay hissed, taling about Nathans and Zoeys father.

"I swear to you. If he has to see this guy someone is gonna dying. And it's not me", he whispered, watching his foster child, who was deeply sleeping in his arms in relief.

"Some men don't deserve to walk this planet. He will pay fort hat. Trust me."

"Hopefully soon", Jay added, turning off the light.

"It just emotional stress. Zoeys breakdown, Nates asthma attack. Long time effects. Even if get full custody. This is gonna take years to get better", Erin sniffled, feeling a warm hand on her cheeck, seconds later.

"Are you crying?"

She didn't answer. Barely audible sobs eascaped from her side, telling Jay that he was right.

Jay came a little bit closer. It was hard to comfort her without waking the little boy in his arms, but he finally managed to kiss her forehead, touching her hand.

"It's gonna be fine. Trust me. We gonna figure something out."

CPDCPDCPD

"Good morning. Time to wake up", Jay whispered entering the room and greeting the siblings who finally fell asleep in their parents bed again, after Zoey made it to their bedroom when Erin left for work.

Halstead, who sneaked out oft he room at 8 a.m already prepared everything for breakfast.

"How late is it?", Zoey yawned, creating a smile on Jays face.

"It's already 10 guys."

"What?"

Nathan climbed out of bed, tiredly looking around.

"Where is mommy?"

"At work."

Zoey ran to the bath room. Her face seemed more healthy than yesterday and her mood was much better than before.

"How are you feeling buddy?"

Nate smiled weakly.

"Better. You know what? I dreamed of being a dinosaur after I fell asleep here. I was green and I ate leaves."

Jay couldn't help but smiled.

"I hope our dinosaur joins his sister in the bathroom to wash his eyes", he joked.

"Otherwise, there's bigfoot coming for you"; Jay copied a monster, making Nate starting to run, but he catched him in the middle of the way to put him on his back. Nate squealed like a pig when Halstead started to tickle him.

He caried him to the bathroom where Zoey was brushing her teeth.

"Look they're white", she smiled, making Jay to put his thumb up.

"Good job."

"What are we doing today?", Zoey wanted to know, getting a mysterous look from Jays side.

"Surprise."

Zoey gave him the most evil glance, before her face changed into a smile.

"I love surprises. Can I marry you when I'm older?"

"No way. I'm already promised to Erin. Come on, let's get you to breakfast."

„Alrigt."

With both children, running to the kitchen area, normality seemed to be back in the Halstead and Lindsay house.

Zoey and Nate ate their meal like they suffered from malnutrition. They looked much healthier than the day before.

"Can you tell us the surprise now. Please", she begged why Jay sighed.

"Alright. So here are the news. Since you guys still suffer from some health problems, Erin and I decided to do something less exghausting."

"Mhh", Zoey rolled her eyes.

"Less exhausting is boring."

"I didn't already tell you, did I?"

"No", Nate whispered, making Jay to look at both mysteriously.

"What about driving to Cascade-drive in movie theatre to see Hotel Transylvania. And after that, we gonna have lunch at Burger King. How does that sound?"

"Really?"

"Did I ever lie to you?"

Zoey jumped to Jay, suddenly gave him a big hug, before Nate joined both.

Jay who didn't expect that reaction looked at them in surprise.

"This is gonna be great. And can we build a hole above the table when we come back?"

It was one of their favorite game. Putting a blanket above the table to have a secure place where they could hide and play.

"For all I care."

"Thank you", Nathan smiled.

"I'm gonna get dressed."

"Me too", Zoey joined him and left Jay with a big grin on his face.


	6. Chapter 6

"Mom, this film was great."

"I'm gonna dress as a vampire for next Halloween", Zoey told everyone, when Jay picked up Lindsay from station and the whole family was on their way to Burger King.

"Great you guys were having fun."

„How was your day?", Halstead asked, getting shrugging shoulders from Erins side.

"Same as usual. Some offenders fighting the law."

"Did you catch the bad guys?", Nate wanted to know from the back side, getting a smile from Erin, who turned around and twinkled at him.

"Of course."

"Nobodys messing with your mom", Jay answered. Thats when Erin glanced at him in confusion.

"Is there something you've got to tell me? Did you broke some plates?"

"No. Why?"

"Because you're a real softy today."

Erin grinned, shaking her head and grabbing her purse.

"Alright, guys. What do you want to eat?"

"Two cheeseburgers, frenchfries and a pepsi."

"And I want to have a chicken box and a double burger and a salad."

Erin looked at Jay in surprise.

"Did Jay starved you?"

"Yes", Nate giggled, getting reproachfully views from Jays side.

"Buddy, you better watch yourself. I'm still babysitting tomorrow", he joked when they entered the parking lot.

Slowly walking in, Zoey and Nathan searched for a good seat, while Jay was ordering their meal.

Yawning and tiredly looking at the screen on the wall, he stood in the row, when a familiar voice put him back to reality.

He instinctively jerked when his brain tried to figure out. Why did that voice sound so familiar to him?

He froze, when he looked at the deep blue eyes of the men in front of him, identified as his own father.

"Hey, Jay. Long time not seen. Did I miss something? No one told me of becoming a grandfather?"

Halstead smiled sarcastically.

"It's probably like that, if you meet each other at funerals only."

His father rolled his eyes.

"Come on. Your mom died.. about what…?... seven years ago?"

Jay shook his head in anger. He was already sick of his dad. Even if he had only seen him for a couple of minutes.

"Listen. I'm here with my family. Not at a mediation or in an interrogation room."

"Since I'm not the one who let this drift into a different way, I'm not responsible for your bad mood."

"Yeah, that's exactly what it sums up over the years. You were never responsible for anything."

Luckily he was the next to order his menu.

Shaking his head, Brad walked away, mourning ironical statements, when Jay watched how he arrived at his table. The youngest Halstead swallowed hard, when he recognized another women, having a wedding ring, while his father put a toddler and a two year old, which obviously seemed to be his half-siblings on some high chairs. He couldn't believe it. Barely carrying about his two sons, he now had two other kids on his own, including a new wife.

"Excuse me, sir. Your order, please?"

Jay looked at the waitress in confussion, who glanced at him reproachfully.

"Sorry. Can I have two menus?"

CPDCPDCPD

"Who was that?", Erin wanted to know, when Jay came back with three tablet, filled with food.

"Nobody."

His voice sounded sad and angry. Erin knew that this wasn't the truth. Since they knew each other for more than six years, spending each day as partners on the job and as a family at home there was no way of lying to another.

Lindsay didn't respond, just changed the discussion to another topic.

But when Nate and Zoey played at the kids zone and Brad and his family already walked to their car, she touched upon it again.

"Jay?"

Halstead looked outside the window, a sad expression on his face, when Erins eyes met his.

"Yeah?"

"Who was that?"

"What do you mean?"

"Don't take me for an idiot. You know what I mean."

„You won't believe when I tell you. It was…"

He couldn't speak it out loud.

"He's my bioloigical father."

"What? This jerk with two kids and this barbie on high heels?"

"You got it."

She squeezed his hand, like she wanted to tell she was there for him.

"He didn't deserve you. Don't take this too serious."

Jay raised his eye-brows, laughed ironically and shook his head before he stood up and walked outside.

He glanced at Zoey and Nate who had fun by sliding tot he different colored balls and take a deep breath, so his pulse got back to a normal rhythm.

He felt a hand on his shoulder, knowing that it was no one else than Erin, who followed him outside.

They remained in silence, until Lindsay started to speak again.

"Listen. I was 18 when I met my Dad for the very first time, since meeting him when I was four doesn't really count. He was locked up forever and got probation, before he had to go to prison for another time. In my fantasy he was like Bratt Pitt. A hero that saved me and showed real power in front of all this bitches in my old school. Until I got to meet him at Starbucks. And my hero turned out as a selfish junky with no sense for family and kids, telling me that I was here because his condome torned apart. I hated him and the problem was that I hated myself too, because I shared his DNS and Bunny did everything to talk shit about him, telling me that I was like him, while he always said I shared so much with my mother."

Jay turned around and looked at her in shock.

" I was lost. It took me years to realize that I'm not a clone of any of them. That I'm Erin Lindsay and that their past doesn't define my future. But I know how it hurts to see your father like this."

Jay sighed, spreading his arms, so he was able to pull her in a bear hug. Despite the fact, that he needed that hug, he felt sorry for his girlfriend.

They didn't need words, just enjoyed each other, until they realized they were watched from four big eyes.

"Are you crying, mommy?", a high voice questioned when Erin realized her emotional outburst.

She moved back, fastly whiping her tears away.

"I think Erin got something in her eye."

Zoey came closer without saying nothing but moved her hand and tenderly stroked Erins skin.

Lindsay smiled like Jay, who grabbed Nate and put him on his arms.

"Come on, folks. Let's get you home."

"Can we still build a hole?"

"Let's see. It's already late."

With Erin putting her arm around Zoeys shoulder and Jay carrying Nathan they walked to the car…

Both grown-ups smiling at each other in understandment.


	7. Chapter 7

"Jay?"

"Yeah?"

"Can I ask you something?"

"Sure."

Nate already fell asleep next to Zoey under the hole, him and his sister had built under Jay and Erins acception.

Zoey was lying next to Jay who kept both children on each side of his arms, after he rode a goodnight story to them.

"How did you become so strong? One time you said that your Dad was a bad guy. And today you're a cop."

Jay smiled weakly, but became sad within seconds.

He stroked Zoeys hand, then stopped and looked at her in concern.

"I don't know. I had an older brother, who was always looking out for me, like you're looking out for Nate. And experiencing some bad things, even made me stronger, which doesn't mean that I wasn't angry or sad. It took me some hard years of fighting, to become what I am right now. But there was one point I learned, that my past wouldn't define my future."

Zoey nodded thoughtful, when Jay ran his hand through her hair.

"What I wanted to say is: Even if it feels that bad right now, doesn't mean that your parents life would be yours."

Without an early warning, she jumped into Jays arms.

He rubbed her back when he felt her crying.

Meanwhile Erin walked into the room. She kneeled down to watch the scene. Jays eyes met hers and they changed worried glances, when she identified Zoey being embraced and comforted by her boyfriend.

"I don't get why they didn't want us", she sniffled. Halstead shook his head.

"It's not that easy. I don't think you can call it like this."

Zoey moved back, looked at him with red eyes.

"But it's okay to cry and to be sad and angry. I would feel the same", he tried to calm her down.

"You know what?"

Zoey shook her head, so her blonde hair flew in different directions.

"I think, even if they know, that you're living with us, they still think about you."

Zoey shrugged her shoulders.

"I don't know."

Thats when Erin moved closer and stroked her hair.

The little girl leaned her head on Lindsays chest. Jay looked a little bit helpless but calmed down when Lindsay started to cuddle with their oldest.

"Can you keep a secret?", Erin asked.

Zoey looked up, facing her foster mom with interest and agreed.

"When uncle Hank took me in and allowed me to life with him, I hated my parents and my whole family. I didn't understand why I was the only one, who didn't had a mother or a father that took such a good care about me. Although I tried to hide my moms addiction my entire childhood, I bought her drugs, I managed the household, I tried to get excellent grades. It took me years to realize, that there would be always a bond between us. And that she's still my mom. Even if I hate her and even if she did things, which are pretty bad. And that's why I'm pretty sure, that your parents love you too. They will always be your birth Mom and your birth Dad. No matter what happens."

Zoey nodded, thoughtfully looking at Erin

"Alright. Time to go to bed, big girl", she announced, giving Zoey another hug. Jay repeated before she lied down.

„Night, baby. We're right next door, okay?"

Zoey closed her eyes, while Jay and Erin went to the door. It had been a long day…


	8. Chapter 8

Before continuing with the new chapter, I want to give you some backround information. Around the same time I started writing about Zoey and Nate, I've found a video on youtube, that is about foster care and how children suffer from it.

It's called ReMoved .

You can watch it on you tube under:

/watch?v=lOeQUwdAjE0 and it's from Nathanael Mattanick.

I'm a social worker myself, so I search for social issues here and then and that's how I've found it.

While writing about Zoey later, I always pictured the Zoey from the video and transfered her into my story.

I don't want to tell you how she has to look like, because I want my readers to use their own fantasy. But this is how I picture her.

Although Nathaniel Mattanick has created a really great project with the whole video ;)

Foster parenting is one of the best things in the world.

And you can be sure: Not all social workers are like Madeleine Gastern from fictional DCFS ;)

CPDCPDCPD

"I want to adopt them so bad."

"I know."

Erin kissed Jay before she put the remote control aside and sat down next to him on the couch.

"Losing them would kill me right away. I mean, all the time we spent together. This huge fight to get them into normal life, allowing them to have a daily routine without booze or drugged up parents. I'm not sure how you feel about it. But, to me it seems like they are my real children. I don't care if they're looking like you or me or if they spent 10 month in my belly."

Jay smiled.

"I feel the same."

He shared another kiss with Erin.

"You remember the day we decided to take them in? I nearly pissed my pants, because I was so scared to make the same mistakes like my old man. I always thought that I would be a bad parent. But finally, after a few weeks Nate and Zoey made me realize that I could do better than my parents. Even if that picture of myself got some scratches today."

Erin glanced at him in a sad way, tenderly stroked his chest.

"Jay, he didn't deseve you. He's just a sick old men."

Halstead smiled weakly, before a long silence filled the room.

"He's still my Dad. Nobody can change that."

Erin sighed and stroked his shoulder.

"I was just thinking about the winter we met Nate and Zoey for the first time. I just see it, like it was yesterday. Will sitting at his office, telling me, that he wished that this little guy wouldn't have to suffer anymore, because when he would get out of it alive, he didn't know how things work out for him, regarding the mental and psychological consequences. I couldn't believe it. I couldn't believe my own brother telling me, that he liked to see this boy rather dead than alive. And it took me month to realize what he meant. I remember walking to the ICU, seeing that kid with swollen eyes, broken rips and bones surrounded by IVs, tubes and cables. I've seen a lot until this days. Child abuse, broken homes, devasted families. But I never understood how a mother could tolerate, watching one of her boyfriends nearly beating her own so nto death. I never told you that, but when I carried him on my arms to the ICU and he was completely unconscious you know..I've never felt that helpless and lonely before. And I swore, that I would do everything to pull him out o fit. And now? It's my task to drive him back, once a month."

"Don't do that to yourself. We shouldn't look at it like that. Remember the first nights, when you carried Nate through the whole apartment for hours? He cried so hard until he fell asleep on your chest, completely powerl. And Zoey freaked out by every car passing by when we went on walks. Even shopping at a supermarket seemed impossible cause she even started stobbing, when the cassier wanted to give her some balloons. And look what they become. It took us one year, but it's getting better. We should look at this visitor hours at a temporar responsibility. If we will win, it ends."

"Yeah- if- Erin…".

He couldn't continue, because her lips touched his for another time.

CPDCPDCPD

"Daddy! I think Zoey is in trouble", Jay heard someone whispering next to his ear.

Recognizing the childish voice, he groaned in his sleep.

"Go back to bed, Nathan. Or come to us. It's just another nightmare", he put the blanket aside with closed eyes.

"Jay, please", the child kept begging. Being called with his first name he finally woke up and looked at the kid in disbelief.

"Where is she?"

Noticing that the little boy was white as a well, Jay got up within seconds.

"I think our real Daddy is going to hurt her. He is here."

"He is what?", Jay hissed in a tone that woke Erin up, who started moaning.

Shaking her heavily, she looked at her boyfriend.

"What are you doing?"

"Harper's here. He broke into the house", he whispered to Lindsay, who quietly got up and opened her nightstand to take her gun out of it.

"Are you serious?", she repeated with a lower voice, when she recognized the whimper of their foster child.

„You stay here. You're not leaving the room", Jay told Nate who started crying, but stopped, when Erin put her hand on his mouth to show him that it was necessary to be quiet.

Silently Jay sneaked tot he floor where he recognized black boots through the gap of the door.

He felt his heart heavily beating in his chest. But finally there wasn't another way.

Loudly he opened the door and pointed the gun at the offender.

Nate was right. He was staring at Daniel Harpers face, who held the gun on Zoeys head.

"Drop it! Now!"

"She's my child. You don't take her away!"

"Drop it! It's your last chance. Do you want to be shot in front of your daughter?"

"Daddy!", Zoey cried, looking at Jay, what rises the anger between both adults.

"He's not your Daddy. But I am. I am your only father. And if you…"

He couldn't end the sentence because a loud noise disturbed any silence.

Harper fell to the ground, holding his leg in pain.

Jay kicked the gun away, while Zoey ran to Erin, who pulled her in a bear hug.

"Shhhh… You're gonna be 's over now."


	9. Chapter 9

"You've got to be kidding me. You're not taking the kids away from us", Jay screamed at the social worker, that was sent by DCFS.

"Zoey and Nathan are our foster children. This could have happened anywhere", Erin told her, but she shook her head.

"Yeah and that's exactly the problem. They are foster-children and not legally adopted. Fostering means a solution of time and since we're sharing the opinion that they need a safer place to stay without their birth parents being aware of , we decided to send Zoey to another state."

"Excuse me, but what could be saver than staying with two police officers?", Jay yelled, angry and still not realizing what that would mean for him and Erin.

"Detective, Halstead. I'm not making the rules. I just follow them. Zoey Harper was involved in a shoting today. A really bad one, what brought her into a traumatic situation that could have ended much worse. And if you are not able to calm down, I have to put Nathan in custody too", she said, what resulted Lindsay glancing at Jay reproachfully.

"You can be lucky, that Eric Harper doesn't like his son. Otherwise we would have taken both children away."

"Great. Now we should be thankful fort hat?", Jay whispered ironically, glancing at Nathan who was sitting next to Ruzek, playing cards at the break room.

"What would you do if someone pointed a gun at your child? Would you just stay there watching?"

The social worker rolled her eyes.

"Detective, Lindsay. Nobody is questioning your performance. We just think about the children here. Thats why we're called DCFS. We want them to be happy and healthy and that is not working, if we can't guarantee for their safety. Eric Harper wants his daughter, while his wife is interested in their son. He knows where you live and he won't stop until he gets what he wants. You both know, that he won't stay in jail for long. He has a rich family backround which means he will get the best lawyers in chicago."

"This is ridicolous. Zoey started to have friends, a family and now she has to start by zero. Not that she's being taken away from her brother and her foster parents. She has to stay in another country", Jay shook his head in disagreement.

"I don't get it. She would have coped with that. If she could have stayed in her old environment."

The social worker got up from her chair.

"Detective Halstead, I'm sorry. But I think everything is said. I have to go", Mrs. Collin admitted, saying goodbye, leaving both foster parents on their own.

CPDCPDCPD

„I want to see my sissssterrr! I want Zoey back. I hate you!", Nathan screamd loudly, fighting Jay, while Erin managed to call Will, promising to come as fast as possible to get the child calm.

Normally they never would have thought about using medication. But after delivering the news to their foster-child, Nathan freaked out completely.

He punched and kicked, angry about the new situation and still thinking that Erin and him were the cause of Zoey being taken away

"Calm down! For the fifth time!", Jay screamed, glancing at the child reproachfully, trying to catch Nathans beats, while holding his hands together.

As an ex-ranger he would have the power to break someones bones. But he didn't want to hurt him. All he wanted was to get him calm as fast as possible.

"Nathan, look at me. It's not our fault."

But he was full of rage.

"You did this! She had to go because of you! I hate you!", he screamed at the top of his lungs.

Nathan kicked Jay hard. At this time he hit him where it hurts man the most.

"Stop it! For the last time!", Jay repeated, pushing the child down to the ground. Probably with more power than he did before, because Nathan started to whimper violently.

"Ouch", he screamed and cried. Thats when Erin jumped between them.

"Are you insane?", she shouted at her boyfriend.

That's when the door went open and Will walked in.

Looking at his brother and their foster son in surprise, he put out an injection.

Jay still tried his best to push Nate to the ground, but the grade schooler managed to get up.

It was difficult. Nathan had a lot of power for his age but nobody wanted to hurt him at the same time.

With the help of his brother Jay finally managed to put Nate to the couch, while Will used the right moment to insert the injection into his arm.

The little boy cried even harder and screamed in pain until he got quiet and the Haldol seemed to work.

Breathlessly both Halsteads looked at each other in exhaustion.

Nathans weeps got more quiet, until he fell asleep.

Erins eyes met with Wills, who looked at the little boy, unbelievable what had happened before.

Finally Lindsay was the first one who reacted by grabbing a blanket and gentely covering the small child with it.

She sat down on the edge of the couch, soothingly stroking his hair.

"Don't punish him. It's just a normal reaction of a kid that had been traumatized too much. It's typical that they react by fighting others or fighting themselves. It's not about you. It needs time to explain that it wasn't your desicion to make. He just sees you to be responsible for it, because you're the ones who present the whole system of foster-care."

Jay wiped the sweat from his forehead.

"Little hellion. He has a lot of power", he said, looking at the little boy in concern.

"Violence causes violence. This quote exists for a reason", Will sighed, refering to Nathans early childhood and Jays teenage years at the same time…


	10. Chapter 10

3 days later Nathan was found crying in his room.

With Erin driving to the precinct to complete the report of the shooting, Halstead had no other choice than staying at home, trying to watch his foster child

He sneaked into the room and sat down on the desk chair, still holding a distance, in case the grade-schooler would freak out again.

Being disressed by Nathans sobbing, Jay began to speak with a soft voice.

"Do you want me to stay here with you?"

He didn't get an answer. He only received sobbs and whimpers.

"Alright. I take that for a yes", he said, pulling out a tissue of his pocket, giving it to Nathan.

Seeing the boy in such a vulnerable situation, he decided take a seat next to him. Nate wouldn't hurt him. This pile of misery wouldn't be able to scream or yell.

Jay sat down next to him on the bed.

"Listen, buddy. I know you are angry and disappointed and you have any right to feel that way. But I want you to know that Erin and me feel the same. We miss Zoey the same way you do and we hate what DCFS is doing right now. We didn't decide what is going on right here. You have to believe that."

Nate looked at his foster parent in a rebelious way.

"They took her, because my dad didn't want to shoot me. He loves her more than me. Otherwise I would have stayed in Oregon now."

Jay didn't know how to deny his words. Indeed, he was right.

That was the exact reason why Nate was still with them. But he couldn't tell that to a kid that had already so much weight on his shoulders.

"No. It's not like that."

Jay was a good liar. Even if it was a matter of time, until he wouldn't be able hide the truth anymore.

"They just think it's too dangerous to let you stay together."

Nate didn't deny his words. He just remained in silence.

"I'm sorry. I didn't want to hurt you yesterday. You hate me now, don't you?"

Jay looked at the 5 year old in shock. Another hint, that leads him to the conclusion, that Nathan still suffered from the neglect of his early childhood.

His whole brain acted by deviding into black or white.

"No, I don't. Because I know why you were acting the way you did. If I were you, I would have probably done the same, if somene had sent my brother away from me."

"Really?"

"Of course."

"Is there a chance that we get Zoey back? Or are they going to take me too?"

"I don't know, Nate. I really don't know."

Nathan looked at his foster parents with wide eyes.

"I don't want to be taken away. If they do, I would walkt he whole way to you on foot."

Jay smiled weakly.

"Your little dickhead", he ran a hand through his hair, when he thought about another issue, he was there for.

"Listen, that's not the only reason I wanted to talkt o you. I know you won't like it. But you really need a bath today. You still got some mudd on your elbow and since there is a big chance that DCFS makes uncontrolled visits, I don't want you tob e stinky."

Nate gave him an anxious looked. Jay knew the reason. Being showered with coldor hot water at the age of 2 by his birth parents as punishment, he was still scared when it came to the point of water. Even if that horrible moment was years ago.

"I hate it."

"I know. But we've got no other option. Come on, you can take your duck with you and your toys."

It nearly seemed like Nathan wanted to cry again. Bathing or showering was a torture. It needed a lot of patience and time, because the trauma was still present.

Jay felt a hand touching his own. At this moment Nate clinged on him like a koala on his mother.

Thats when Halstead kneeled down, to look into his sonst eyes.

"Alright. Old rules. You're the boss of the shwoer. You decide how hot or cold it becomes, okay?"

"No", he started to complain, but Jay wasn't in the mood to discuss it.

After Nathan undressed he started to cry and his whole body started to shake. It felt horrible to force the small child to take a shower. But at the same time, he wouldn't risk to get a red card from the department of childcare and family services.

Jay turned the water on and handled the sprinkler to Nathan.

With his foster son being less cooperative he had no other choice than taking him into the shower and getting him cleaned.

Nathan screamed and cried and in the end of the procedure the whole bath (including Jays shirt) was wet and full of shampoo.

It's not that they didn't gave their best, to get him more comfortable with water. They were driving to Legoland water park and to other theme parks. Finally nothing had really helped to reduce his anxiety.

Ignoring the fact that it would take a long time to clean, Jay helped Nathan out of the shower and wrapped him into a towel.

"Hey, it's over. All done. You're okay", he soothed him while helping the little boy to get dressed, before he felt small hands, touching his neck.

"Alright, there you go", Halstead pulled him in his arms. Seconds later Nathans head rested on his chest.

"I'm back home, I…", a familiar voice screamed.

The situation was interrupted by Lindsay, who looked at her two men in surprise…

CPDCPD

"Is he okay?", Erin whispered sneaking into the childrens room, where Jay was lying in Nathans bed, holding the little boy in his arms, still stroking his head, after he finally fell asleep, completely exhausted.

"Never thought he would calm down. It's still horrible. Any time I see him like this, I want nothing more than arrest his parents and put them under the shower with hot water for two hours straight", Jay answered in a low tone. For a short time, he stopped caressing Nathans hair, until the little one in his arms started to whimper.

"Shhh… It's okay. I'm still here. You go back to sleep", he continued stroking his forehead.

Knowing that Nate would wake up, if he would get out of bed, he just stayed where he was.

Erin stared at their foster child, before she began to whisper.

"I don't know how you think about it but I won't accept DCFS's desicion. What means: I won't stop fighting for put so much energy in raising both children. I don't allow some chicks who think they are god to take my kid away."

"And what now? You've heard that social worker? They've sent her to Oregon. They won't change their opinion."

"Hank knows a very good lawyer. All we need is to put Eric Harper in prison for lifetime."

"And you think, that's it? Come on, Erin. They're abusing their power. It's nothing more than a political issue. They are treading families like a pair of sneakers. DCFS didn't liked us to have Nate and Zoey from the beginning. Normally they used to seperate siblings. It's still a miracle that they allowed us to take in both."

"You sound like you're already gave up?"

Jay groaned, shook his head.

"No, I just try to see the truth. Do you really think I like what happens right now? I'm angry and pissed too."

Erin looked at Jay in disbelief, slowly proceeding what happened before.

"This kid had a home. She had friends, a family, a brother. This is totally insane", Erin hissed and already wanted to leave the room to walk into the kitchen when her phone rang.

She sneaked into the floor and answered the call.

"Lindsay?"

"Detective Lindsay, this is Madeline Gastern from DCFS speaking. I'm calling you, because we got sad news."

From one to another minute Erin started to feel cold as an ice block.

"Name it."

"We need your help. Normally I'm not allowed to tell you, but we got the message that Zoey Harpers new foster parents were killed by an unknown person."


	11. Chapter 11

"We need your help. Normally I'm not allowed to tell you, but we got the message that Zoey Harpers new foster parents were killed by an unknown person."

"What? Excuse me?"

The voice of the social worker was ringing in Erins ear.

"We have to admit, that the case is in connection with Eric Harper. Since he is in jail, we think about someone else to finish the plan for getting Zoey. I don't know what it is, but there must be something special. It's like she wittnessed something and someone is afraid, that she starts talking."

"How is Zoey know? Where is she? Is she alive?", Erin whispered in the phone.

The social worker sighed.

"She is on her way back to Chicago. She was able to lock herself in the basement until the police came."

"She is what?"

"Listen, Detective Lindsay. After the shooting, court decided to choose a family that is able to guarantee for her safety. Since you are the only potential foster parents that has two cops as parents, we are going to bring her back to you. The cops from Oregon will arrive between 9 and 10."

Erin felt like she was dreaming.

"Is that really happening?"

"I don't want to give you further information on the phone. See you later", she ended the call, leaving Erin overwhelmed and surprised by the news…

CPDCPDCPD

"What do they call that? How am I traumatizing a kid, by causing the highest damage?", Jay asked ironically while they entered the precinct.

"This is ridicolous. If she would have stayed at our house, two people would be still alive today", he complained, getting Erin to roll her eyes.

"Wrong adress. You better tell that to Mrs. Gastern from DCFS."

"You can count on that", he grumbled, taking the stairs to their unit, where Voight already waited for them.

Erin and Jay swallowed hard when they looked through the glas of the break room.

Zoey was sitting on the table with Adam, staring at the wall, totally catatonic.

"Mrs. Gastern is waiting for you in my office."

"Great. Can't wait to see her", Jay hissed, following Erin tot he neighborhood room, an angry expression on his face.

"Detective Lindsay? Detective Halstead? I'm Mrs. Gastern. I already talked to you on the phone", she introduced herself.

"I haven't much time, because of another appointment in my office. So, I have to make it quick. All we know by now is, that Mr. and Mrs. Carson had been stapped in the middle oft he night. It looks like the offender searched for Zoey Harpe. She was able to tell us what he said. Sadly, she didn't recognize the voice, nor did she knew the man or could explain what he wanted. She was able to fing a hiding spot in the basement."

"How is she doing?", Jay wanted to know and received a sad look.

"Not good at all. She seemed catatonic and she's not speaking to us."

"No wonder why", Jay shouted silently, receiving a kick from Erin under the table.

"Excuse me, Detective Halstead. We all know that it was a horrible mistake."

"Horrible? Devestating seems more suitable for two people dying, doesn't it? If you would have allowed Zoey to stay where she was they would still be alive."

"Detective Halstead, I…."

"I know. You're not making orders. You just follow them. Is it really that easy?"

She looked at Jay in a reproachful way.

"Jay, I think we should get back to the case", Erin warned her boyfriend, who became really silent.

"However, Zoey needs protective custody, so she has to be watched 24 hours a day for her own security, until the case is solved. With both of you being police officers, the court decided to put her under your wings again. Including the condition that Sargeant Voight is going to take Nathan in, as soon as there are any hints that could indicate danger for Zoey", the social worked explained the facts.

"And after that? How about our chancec to get her back permanently?"

Mrs. Gastern sighed, shaking her head.

"Since we don't what we're talking about you, I can't give you a guarantee for any of that. We need to find out the reason, why Mr. and Mrs. Carson were killed and after that, court hast o look into the case again."

"We're looking forward to adopt Zoey and Nate."

"Erin", Jay gave her a shocked look, but she continued talking.

"We're going to fill the adoption papers, as soon as everything is over."

Mrs. Gastern glanced at her in surprise.

"That's new to me, but as I told you. Court has to make a new desicion first", she mentioned, getting up from her chair.

"You can call me if you got further questions. Stay safe and see you soon", she said goodbye, leaving the office.

Erin stared at Voight, giving him a weak smile.

"Hank, you pulled some strings, don't you?"

Voight reflected her expression.

"I don't know what you're talking about", he pretended, a devilish smile on his face, before heading downstairs…


End file.
